Monday, November 06, 2006

An Evening at Guzzlers' Inn

Hey Mia, where are you? How much longer at the office? Where is Rakesh? Already on Brigade Road? Arre, there he is! Chal, come quick.
Hey Rakesh, plans kya hain? No yaar, cannot go to Ningu’s tonight. Aarti has come back from US… aaj ke liye akele chhod dete hain. Abbe, take off your tie na! You are looking like a bloody ch**** banker. Haan, woh to tu hain, but you don’t need to advertise. Karna kya hain? Mia’s gonna take 15 minutes more. Okay, lets sit at Guzzlers’. Mia can come there. We’ll decide then.

Ya, Guzzlers’ is pretty reasonable. Bacardi for bloody less than 100 bucks. Good music. What else do you want?
Boss, get us two Bacardis. Large. With Pepsi. Get us two. Abbe, you don’t get Coke here. This is a Pepsi joint. Kuch khayega? Haan, French Fries sound good. Anyways, Mia is coming right now. Will have dinner somewhere else.
Cheers! Achha, that Kaliyon ka Chaman babe is coming to Bangalore. I wish. She is performing at Hypnos. Next Saturday, I think. We can go. There will be a cover charge. Max 500 per head. Boss, entry fees ke din gaye. Hello, get us some ketchup please.

Hey, you through with the drink? What to do? Order another round? Mia is coming any minute. Call karte hain. Damn, she is not picking up. Must be driving. Oh fuck, you told him to get a repeat? Chal, theek hain. We need to finish the Pepsi anyway. Boss, get us two... oh fantastic, you have got a repeat of Bacardis. Brilliant! I tell you, the service rocks here!
Ruk, lemme try calling her again. Ringing. Boss, she must be on her way here! Jaldi kar, jaldi kar… chal, bottoms up maarte hain!
Aaahhh! Fuck man. We used to do this with Old Monk in college. There used to be a war cry called “Piyo Behn..” – arre, its Mia. She must be outside. Hello boss, get us the bill please. Haan Mia, bol – where are you? Fuck yaar, 15-20 minutes more? Kya ho gaya? Damn yaar. Tell that Mallu boss of yours to work for a change. Friday evening kharaab kar raha hain. Chal, you come quickly. Raka and I are at Guzzlers’.

Oh ho, you have got the bill. Arre yaar, do one thing. Hang on to this for a sec. And get us two more Bacardis. With Pepsi. And get the snacks menu as well. Mia, I tell you, should look for another job. Some crap MIS on Gold card usage she is collecting.
What snacks do you want? Lets get something light… so that we don’t screw up dinner. Waise chalna kahan hain? We can go to Bageecha – remember the open air restaurant on the highway to Whitefield? Of course it will stay open. In any case, we are not going to be too late. Kal office hain, yaar. Fish fingers fine with you?
Cheers again! Haan yaar, Dandiya mein mast mazaa ayaa. Arre – Mandy ka dost kya enthu mein tha! Look this is the good thing about Gujjus. They market their events really well. They will get solid music. Lots of babes. Ya, your right… in backless cholis that too. Lakdi leke dance like madman – and then stuff your face with dhokla and chhole bhature! Mmm… theesh fiwh fingersharr dullishush. Ek aur mangai?

Haan yaar, Mia’s 15 minutes will mean half an hour only. Okay boss, get us one more round of the same. Soft drinks? Anything you want, yaar. And some French Fries with some Fish Fingers.
Oh bloody hell… this place plays awssum music yaar. Summer of 69 bloody does not lose its charm ever! Fuck yaar – there’s not a single place in Bangalore which plays good Bollywood music. My friend, that place plays Bollywood because it’s a chammia bar, yaar! Arre – lets put a request for Hotel California… oh hang on, Mia is calling. Haan bol? You are outside – oh fuck! Abbe jaldi khatam kar… maar maar bottoms up maar.
Oh teri! Phat gayi yaar! Ooooffff… that was fantastic! Brilliant maaan, brilliant. MIAAAAA – come here! Eh fuck man – why don’t you give us more notice? Tere kaam khatam kab hota hain you don’t have any idea or what? And that boss of yours bloody!

Kya piyega, bol? Hey waiter… take order from madam. Repeat for us. Mia, you tell the snacks. Abbe yaar – we cannot go to Ningu’s… Correct, because Arti has come! So till we decide where to have dinner, we can have one more drink… happy? Cheeeeerrrrrsss!!! Abbe, clink nahin hua… phirse kar, phirse kar! Do you know why people clink their glasses? Because you are supposed to enjoy your drink with all your five senses… you can taste a drink, you can touch a drink, you can see a drink, you can smell a drink. By clinking glasses, you also hear a drink. Thank you, thank you! Of course she has heard this before… she knows me bloody for the last 5 years bloody!
Aai Mia – what Tropicana shopicana you are having? Have a Bloody Mary bloody. You are on me! Main pilaoonga! Mere khoon ki kamai hain… Blood meri, Bloody Mary teri! Har har har… sach Raka, tu ek hi hain jo mere sachcha dost hain. Only you appreciate me! When you get married, I will personally go and tell my – sorry your – wife tu kitna achha hain! Damn you, Mia – who asked for your opinion? We are finishing our Bacardi faster than your mosambi piss juice. Okay – chal grape juice! Kya keepi keepi karta hain!

Okay boss, repeat… what are you saying? Kya boss, you call yourselves Pub Capital and close at 11:00? Boss, already last orders hone se kaise chelaga? Thoda to adjust karo? Okay okay, yaar – do one thing. Get us 4 Bacardis large. Arre – 2 for me. 2 for him. Fuck the snacks. Who has time to eat snacks if you are shutting down in 15 minutes.
Ehh Mia, relax! 15 minutes to the last order which means there’s at least half an hour to the closing. You think we cannot finish two drinks in half an hour? Yeah yeah Raka – well said! We will do it! Let the bugger return with the drinks. We will do one more bottoms up to that… we have done just one till now. What rubbish? We are NOT drunk!
Achha – chuck that. Tell me where will we have dinner? Some places stay open na? There’s Empire. There’s Bageecha. Ya – that’s a bit too far. Ningu ke yahaan chalte… oh good, the drinks are here. Boss, quickly get two Pepsis also! Haan haan relax… we can’t go to Ningu’s!
Fantastic, Pepsi is here… this is what you call quick service! Oh fuck – why have the lights come on? Don’t tell me? Police raiding this place? This is a brothel or what? Arre yaar, how would I know last order means closing time? Damn it… Boss Raka, agar mard ka bachcha hain to ek boond drink chhodke nahin jayenge!
Maar bottoms up – aur glass phnek ke maar police ke mooh pe! Maa ch** denge, chuna pot denge, g**** pe likh denge KRRRRAAAANTI! Yesssss, you can do it!!!!

Ehh Mia – where are we going? Why you bloody driving swaying driving swaying? Fuck, this whole car is swerving man. Hey – who paid the bill? Ehhhh Miu – tell no, who fucking paid the bill? Ehh Raka – who paid the bill? Whadyu mean you want to pee? Here? Abbe, pant mein mat kar yaar… Mia, stop stop the car!

Eh Mia – dekh, dekh! Raka has fallen into the gutter! Saala, tullee hoke gir gaya!

Whadyu mean I pushed you? I did not. I definitely did not. Why would I push him? Main sirf usse poocha jaake if he is through or not. Abbe – what crap? I just kept a hand on your shoulder and asked ke tu saala poora Bangalore doobayega kya susu mein? That is not pushing bloody… oh fuck, Raka is bleeding on his left arm yaar! Whadyu mean I did it? I DID NOT PUSH HIM!!! Raka, hans mat saaley… you are framing me!!!

Mia: Ningu? You awake? Raka has cut his arm – and he is bleeding. Can we come over? He needs some first aid urgently… huh? Arre, he had fallen into a gutter yaar! Oh don’t ask… its one long story. Raka, Dipta and I are coming over…

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitously. Any resemblance to any actual person - living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

3 comments:

the mad momma said...

hmmm.. so basically you are all alcoholics. Mia cannot join a party on time. And you are guilty of pushing a pal into the drain and injuring him. Very good. Just the kind of example you need to set to Joy!

udayan said...

"This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitously. Any resemblance to any actual person - living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental."

I can almost believe you.

Anonymous said...

are u from XL by any chance???? pio B******* and old monk is a little too familiar