Thursday, February 28, 2008

55 Words and a Cricket Story

“Whew – Anderson’s bowling at 95 today”, Yuvraj said.
“But his shoulder has not yet recovered. So, he can’t keep at that pace”, Mahi replied.
“Yeah. If he’s kept at bay for this one session, batting out the day will not be a problem.”
“One billion people are praying for that!”
“Play’s been called. Good luck.”

“Do you think they will rework the clauses?”, Vikram asked.
“They must. Otherwise, the morale will just collapse”, said Tariq.
“Who will speak with Mr Bajoria?”
“I will. Maybe we should ask Andy to take a look at the contract.”
“Wonder if he is familiar with the legalities?”
“He would be. Let’s call him tonight.”

“Hey Mahi – that was a GOOD over, wasn’t it?”
“Christmas in May! His shoulder is tanking, I think.”
“Yeah, four boundaries in one over… enough to blow his confidence away!”
“They might just bring on Plunkett now for variety’s sake...”
“I hope so. All that net practice lifting the ball will come to some use!”

“Who’s shooting your next ad film?”
“That fellow – what’s his name – Prakash Tambe.”
“He’s crap, yaar. Too full of himself. Hardly thinks of the model.”
“Yeah, but his use of graphics is very good. Since it’s a new car, I think a little jazz is required.”
“Be sure to approve the script beforehand.”
“Oh – absolutely!”

“How many times has this Plunkett jerk taken five wickets in an innings?”
“Many more than he deserves.”
“Three are against Bangladesh.”
“Bloody fool keeps three slips, a gully and then bowls outside leg.”
“Maybe the third boundary was too much. Smith will take him off now.”
“That’s true. How many to avoid follow on?”

“Have you seen Harpreet in the new cola ad?”
“Complete bakwaas. How can they get a cricketer to dance with cartoons?”
“If they had to spend so much on graphics, they needn’t have spent two crores on him!”
“Happy is charging two crores?”
“Yeah boss – what do you expect after two hat-tricks in a row?”

“What is the win percentage of teams batting fourth here?”
“Close to zero. The cracks will start appearing on Day Four.”
“This was a bad toss to lose.”
“On this surface, Harpreet and Neelesh can turn a ping-pong ball on Day Five.”
“But since Graham is their only spinner, we can still pull it off.”

“Did you notice the hostess at last night’s party?”
“Notice? I have her phone number. She’s staying in the hotel itself.”
“Balls! You as well?”
“Boss, the horny bitch was passing her card to everybody.”
“She’s from the event company. Has flown in from Bombay.”
“Won’t have time for her this week, for sure!”

“If Prakash and Raman had stayed for an hour, this is a dream pitch to bat on.”
“Yaar, Prakash’s footwork is missing for the third series now.”
“I think Gordon will have to work on him separately after the series ends.”
“Gordon is willing but Prakash will have no time. No hope of individual sessions.”

Each paragraph alternates between two sets of guys. Two are batting in a Test. The other two are in office, following the match. The question is, which is which?
The intended point on cricketers’ commitment and spectators’ passion gets slightly diluted by the whole sledging controversy!
And each paragraph (including this) is 55 words long.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Feminism: A Practical Approach

Mad Momma (making a comeback on this blog after 12 posts!) has made a very passionate point about how the chauvinistic and patriarchal Indian society refuses to acknowledge the mother's identity in the child's name.
Her logic sounded very rational to me but like any half-decent sales manager, I always try to check out the feasibility of rational ideas.
So, I thought of this chain of events...

Imagine a scenario in the early 1970's, where one Debapriya Chaudhuri and one Reeta Dutta are brought together by their respective families in holy matrimony and they are blessed with a bonny (!) baby boy. In true equalist tradition, they name him Diptakirti Dutta Chaudhuri. (They also have a daughter - but let's not confuse matters for now.)
A few years later, a young officer of the Indian Navy - Subroto Guha - is married to Nandini Bose. They are blessed with a bonnier baby girl and she is named Trishna Bose Guha. (Their second-born, a son, is kept aside for now.)
The aforementioned son and daughter meet - at their respective families' behest - and decide to spend their lives together. Their son is christened (in keeping with the tradition) Dyujoy Dutta Chaudhuri Bose Guha.
If you are wondering whether Dyujoy is ever going to get time to answer questions in his exams (after writing his name) or if he will have A4-sized PAN cards, then I would urge you to think one generation ahead.
Dyujoy falls in love with his Marathi classmate in college and gets married to her, who is also from a household firmly believing in gender equality.
So, can you guess what the names of the children of the aforementioned Dyujoy and Swati Mangeshkar Patil Bhonsle Patankar going to be?
I am not envisaging a scenario if the girl of choice is a South Indian instead of Marathi, because I am not sure if Blogger allows that much memory for individual accounts.

I think, in order to avoid telephone directories the size of asteroids and school application forms that would kill 14 trees to produce, we have to have a more practical solution.
Junk the surname altogether!
Have uncommon names like Diptakirti, Hiranyava, Zebesco, Makaibari, Horatio, Perestroika, Kapaalkundala - which will be enough to identify a person. Then, we will avoid the entire chaos of having to add both parent's surnames to the poor fellow's name and exam papers will get answered.

With this problem behind us, we can start an entirely new discussion on whether children should be allowed to resemble the father more or the mother. With advances in genetic engineering, I am sure in a couple of decades, Dyujoy will propose a simple and elegant solution on his blog.
Just like his father did today!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Hot Tips: Filmfare Awards 2007

A few years back, I invented a game called Filmfare Roulette.
Yes - I know, I know... you guys love me for this! But let me explain the game, no?

Players: 3-6
Age: 6 years and above
Minimum stake: Rs 10 (or any denomination of which a currency note exists)
All the players sit with the a bunch of ten-rupee notes ready during the live telecast of Filmfare Awards. As the nominees are announced, the players place their bets on whom they think will be the winner. The punter(s) guessing correctly gets/shares the winnings. In the unlikely event of no one being correct, the stakes get carried forward to the next bet.
The game is fun because like horse racing or other forms of skill-driven gambling, there is an element of predictability a shrewd punter can bring to the table. I mean, if you have followed Filmfare Awards down the years, you would know that certain stars are the favourites, irrespective of the performances.

Since it is that day of the year when the Black Lady will be out again, I thought I will go through the nominations of the year and try to predict the winners.
And if you have guests over for dinner tonight, you may lure them into playing this game and then clean them out. Of course, a fat chance you have of inviting guests who would be interested in watching Kareena and Saif simpering for the benefit of the cameras!

So, here are my Hot Tips. If Bollywood was a stock market, I would be CNBC!

Best Female Playback
Alisha Chinai is out. They gave her an award for her comeback song (Kajra Re). Last year, they gave the prize to Sunidhi Chauhan and on top of that, she does not appear too many times in the magazine. So, I guess it will have to be Shreya Ghoshal. And it has to be for the Barso Re from Guru, which is a suitably 'classical' number.

Best Male Playback
All the nominees have won at least once. Except KK. But KK is now peaking and looking good for lots of nominations in the coming year. Ditto for Shaan (who won it last year). On the other hand, Sukhwinder won it last for Chhaiyya Chhaiyya and he is not looking good for too many. So, they would most likely give it to Sukhwinder for Chak De India. And it would please the Yashraj camp as well.

Best Lyrics
Gulzar for whatever he is nominated for. Because, the last time Gulzar lost out on a Best Lyrics award (while being a nominee) was when Khayyam won it for Kabhi Kabhie.
And the Filmfare Jungle Saying #1 says - When Gulzar is nominated, he wins.
Javed Akhtar with an ordinary Main Agar Kahoon, Prasoon Joshi with an award last year and Sameer with lots of awards in the past are not helping their respective causes!

Best Music
Filmfare has a problem here. The Best Album of the year - by a long shot - is Life... In A Metro. But there is Filmfare Jungle Saying #2 - When AR Rehman is nominated, he wins (unless there is Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy in the running). Now what?
For such dilemmas, there is an escape route available for them called the RD Burman Award for Most Promising Musical Talent. And hey presto! Pritam fits the bill perfectly. So he will get the consolation prize and Mr Rehman will walk away with Best Music for Guru.
Vishal-Shekhar has composed the title track of Radio City, which is a rival of Filmfare group company (Mirchi), so the people who liked their Om Shanti Om score can start getting sorely disappointed.

Best Supporting Actress
Konkona Sen Sharma has two nominations, of which Life In A Metro looks to be a killer. So, she is probably getting it. UNLESS, Aditya Chopra (the most powerful person in Bollywood) decides to get a bauble for his would-be wife. In that case, Rani Mukherji gets it for Saawariya. Of course, Saawariya has been such a big dud that this is the first time Sanjay Leela Bhansali has not been nominated for Best Director, despite having a film in the running. So, Konkona remains the favourite.

Best Supporting Actor
Aamir Khan - for Taare Zameen Par - has to be given this because this award has to be looked at in conjunction with the Best Director nominations. Aamir Khan is nominated there as well and doesn't look good to win. In any case, the other nominees in this category have zilch star power.

Best Director
It has been a dry year for Yashraj, except for that one ace in their pack - Chak De India. And Shimit Amin is taking the Best Director prize for it. More so, because the other favourite - Aamir Khan - does not play ball with Filmfare.
If you ask me, Anurag Basu did a brilliant job with Metro and deserves the prize. But the best he's gonna get is a Critic's Award for Best Film.

Best Actress
The most difficult prize to guess this year. Of the nominees, Madhuri Dixit (Aaja Nachle) and Vidya Balan (Bhool Bhulaiya) are there to make up the numbers. If Aaja Nachle had been remotely successful film, Mads would have taken it for sure. But...
Of the balance nominees:
* Rani Mukherji - If she gets the Supporting Actress prize, then doesn't have a chance.
* Kareena Kapoor - Jab We Met is her first seriously solo hit and she is known to give great quotes and has graced the January Filmfare cover.
* Aishwarya Rai - Guru needs to be given something.
I will resolve the dilemma this way. If any of the Bachchans are about to give away the award, then Ash is gonna take it for sure. Else, I am not hazarding a guess.
Kareena gets the Critic's Award. When she is delivering the speech, there will be two people in audience to focus on.

Best Actor
Filmfare Jungle Saying #3 - When SRK is nominated, he wins! So, he gets it for Chak De India. There might be an off-chance that they might give it to him for Om Shanti Om - to honour his super-successful home production but then we are quibbling over minor details here.
Now, what do they do about the most accomplished performance of the year - Darsheel Safary? Simple, they give him the Critic's Award for Best Actor.

Best Film
Deservedly, Chak De India - and it keeps the Chopras happy as well.

Now, that's a suitably cynical look at the most prestigious film awards of the year. But when you will see Deepika Padukone walk up to get the Best Newcomer prize from Shahrukh and the camera will intermittently focus on Sonam Kapoor (J Factor) or Ranbir Kapoor (Ex Factor), you will forget all this and whistle!

Jaldi Jaldi: One Arbit Post

Many years when I was working in a soft drink company, I saw Marketing people losing sleep over one innocuous line - Contains No Fruit. Contains Added Flavour.
It was a statutory requirement to include this line into every single advertisement. The print, television and outdoor ads had this line in font size 2.5 squeezed in the bottom right hand corner so as to not spoil the layout. The problem came in radio ads. In the 30-seconds one had for a radio spot, one had to look for voice-over artistes who could say the above line in less than a second. When heard on radio, the line ended up sounding like connofrooconadaflava!

Now, as our lives become more complicated with more than one insurance company, more than one investment option and more than one tobacco-selling company, I realised that these statutory warnings have also increased in number.
Obviously, the market for people who can speak unspeakably fast have also grown. I counted three of these warnings spoken at 552 miles per hour at the end of ads...

Chewing tobacco may be injurious to health.

Insurance is the subject matter of solicitation.

And the most complicated.
Mutual funds are subject to market risk. Please read the offer document carefully before investing.

With a really talented guy delivering the lines, this sounds like a gagged person trying to take his gag off.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Shob Choritro Kalponik

13 years ago, I missed out on this mother of all parties and that has to be the biggest regret of my college life. By the time I got to know of the bash, there was already puke on the dance floor!
Today, that regret returned overwhelmingly as I read the most vivid description of a defining event of my life.

Where's a Time Machine when you need one?

As I ran through the initials identifying the characters in the story, they did not seem to be people I knew. They seem to be imaginary characters now. That's why I used the title of a forthcoming Rituparno Ghosh film... All characters are imaginary.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Jab We Ate

Valentine's Day has created an industry out of Male Forgetfulness. You may forget her birthday, the date you first went for a movie or the day she first bunked class to meet you.
But the entire media and advertising industry puts up a huge unmissable alarm for you on the 14th of Feb to wine her, dine her, pine for her and shine her day! Mushy cards at Rs 20, red rose buds at Rs 50 a piece, hideous teddies at Rs 395 a kilo, designer chocolates at Rs 2200 a kilo and romantic dinners at Taj for Rs 8000 an hour are all available at an arm's length to help you get there.

Unfortunately, my wife has never got any such sweet nothings from me. The one time she got flowers was when she asked me specifically ("yellow carnations from the first shop as you enter Defence Colony market") and I almost thought that they were for somebody else!
Oh - once I also got a friend to compose a song for her. When he becomes famous, this number will probably be known as Tina's Song. Now, how's that for a romantic gift... a song composed exclusively for you! Thanks, Prash!

But I think I have taken her to innumerable breathtakingly beautiful places to attend performances by immensely talented artistes. No, no - not Yanni by the Taj. Just a whole lot of fantastic restaurants!
We are really quirky eaters. We look at dessert menu for an eternity and then order chocolate mousse and apple strudle. We order main courses and exchange dishes halfway through it because we like the other's one better.
So, our likes and dislikes are also quite eccentric. Apart from the fantastic ones listed here, there are a whole lot of others who are memorable for really arbit reasons.

Mainland China (Calcutta), for being the place we first met at.
Lazeez (Bangalore), for being the only restaurant in Bangalore which cooked biriyani with potato in it.
Green Park (Hyderabad), for introducing us to the concept of late night binging with their Midnight Biriyani Buffet.
Masala Art (Delhi), for putting red meat to impossibly imaginative uses.
Taaja's (Calcutta), for making us order Khau Swey every single time despite an unendingly long menu.
Mahesh Lunch Home (Bombay), for unearthing the cats in us.
And Indigo, for being the Holy Grail. We are yet to be there!

All this came up for two reasons.
One, yesterday we were at a family friend's wedding reception and had a feast which was almost as good as my sister's. Take my word for it, that's a serious compliment. It was a Kashmiri spread and for the first time in my life, there were four (!) mutton dishes on the menu. Kabarga, Yakhni Mutton, Keema Aloo Bukhara and Khatta Liver. After that, how can you go wrong? We pigged out so shamelessly that the hostess invited us one more family function where the same food will be served. What a way to spend Valentine's Eve!

And two, Valentine's Day is also the wedding anniversary of a couple, who hate Valentine's Day and love food as much as I do. Quite unavoidable since I inherited my chromosomes from them!

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Opposites Attract

There are a large number of films with antonyms in their names - Purab Paschim, Uttar Dakshin, Chacha Bhatija (err, not quite!), Sachcha Jhoota, Raja Aur Runk, Roop Ki Rani Choron Ka Raja (definitely not!), Shola Aur Shabnam (if you insist), Amiri Garibi, English Babu Desi Mem etc etc.
But in the age of mutliplex movies, its been such a long time that I have seen a zamindar (or Thakur) in a movie that its no wonder that all such names have got wiped out.

But now, we can (only if you want to, that is) find paired movies, whose titles are antonyms. Interested?
Well, here are my entries (and to convince some of you sceptics, I have linked some of the relatively obscure titles)...

Hero / Nayak - Khalnayak

Khuli Khidki
- Bandh Darwaza

(Life In A) Metro - Kasba

Fire - Water

Devdas - Pyaasa (hee hee... spiritual opposites!)

And finally, the pairing which set me thinking on this theme since last night...

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Doppleganger

Nilendu and I go back a long way. I now know him much longer than most of my relatives. If I have to put a moment since I know him, I will put it at a time when I ceased to be a schoolboy and had not yet become a college student. He was literally the first guy I spoke to in college. It helped having adjacent JEE ranks!
Being at the bottom of a class together (though he was higher than me!) meant we knew more about each other and now we are bound by a mutual Omerta to protect our professional, personal and emotional lives.
It all started when the two of us were the only two watchers of a newly started Zee Cinema and has continued through the exasperation of two generations now. If he ever tells my son that Nayan Mongia is called Nine Mongia because he batted seven down then the exasperation will extend to the third generation as well!

Our thoughts were always identical. So much so that when we were chatting online, sometimes both of us typed the same thing simultaneously. This did not happen with years of hanging out together. It actually started from Day 1. In fact, no one could answer his 20 Questions other than me and vice versa.
Which is why I always wondered why he started a blog. After all, his comments on my blog were longer than some of my posts as he religiously captured everything I had missed. And I realised the futility of both of us having blogs when I discovered some search words turn up both his and my blog. Anything to do with Moonmoon Sen, Anandabazar Patrika and Mechanical Engineering actually.

So, on his birthday today, I noticed with some amusement that the search phrases that led people to my blog could well have led them to his. Some of them are...
* Posters of Lahu Ke Do Rang
* XXX Picture Only Calcutta
* www.anandabazar patrika
* Bollywood Trivia

And finally the one he would really like to do a dissertation on - "Moonmoon Sen Bed Scene"...
Wah! Kya Scene Hain!

Happy Birthday, Nilendu!

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Rock On, Rolls!

McDonald's aggressive promotion of their 'wraps' does raise an eyebrow or two for those who have bit into a roll, standing at the thela at the neighbouring market. Their stuff looks suspiciously like that roll you had but a Paneer Salsa Wrap is not what you called it.
After having a roll after ages yesterday, I thought a Roll Call was the order of the day. The kids need to be enlightened about the real thing. And after all, I have traversed cities in search of A Roll to Soothe Your Soul.

Bedwin (Gariahat Crossing, Calcutta) – In the beginning, there was only this one. Meat chunks (we don’t call them tikkas back home) fried before being embraced by a thickish paratha (roomali roti is for wimps) dripping in oil. Cholesterol watchers are advised to avoid this shop and proceed towards Gol Park down the road, as there is a lot of greenery there. And if you are spicily inclined, then there is a green chilly tucked in the paper that holds the roll together.

And then came Kusum (Park Street, Calcutta), tucked in a side lane off Park Street. Their specialty is MORE! For every roll, they have a jumbo option in doubling the ingredients. So, if you have a Double-Egg-Double-Mutton Roll, you will have down three drinks from Olypub (two shops away) just to soak the protein molecules into a digestible mash. You will probably die but what a reason it will be!

Empire Restaurant (Central Street, Bangalore) – Shawarma, as a concept, was introduced to me when I landed up in Bangalore. It is meat cooked on a vertical skewer flavoured with spices and lemon dripping on to it from the top and the meat is shaved off from the edges – to put into a roll / sandwich. Yes, the result is as tasty as it sounds. It is a gooey, dripping, messy kind of roll – the gravy of which threatens to roll down your wrist if you are not careful enough. But no fear! All you have to do is to roll up your sleeves beforehand and slurp off the gravy when it rolls!
Empire was a place that stayed open late into the night (actually, almost early in the morning) so their shawarmas, kababs and bheja fry provided immense succour after drunken binges.

Qureishi’s (G K II, Delhi) – A common occurrence in Delhi is a shop like this one that doubles up as a meat shop in the morning and an open-air kabab joint in the evening. So, that way you know that the meats are all fresh and fantastic. Their range of kababs – when wrapped in roomali roti – become rolls. Specially recommended is their Chicken Malai Tikka Roll, a hefty succulent thing can easily be dinner for a small eater! For big eaters, have two!

Khan Chacha (Khan Market, Delhi) – There seems to be a debate on whether the shop got its name from the market or the market from the shop. But there are no debates on the heavenliness of their wares! And if you do not land up early enough or do not have iron-plated elbows, then you might as well say goodbye to your fond hopes of reaching the counter. The Chicken Tikka Roomali Roll or their Mutton Seekh Roomali Roll are both permanent fixtures on ‘What You Must Eat in Delhi’ lists and the reputation is completely well deserved.

Al Kakori Al Kauser (Chanakyapuri / Vasant Place Market, Delhi) – Okay, their Kakori Roll is the BEST roll I ever had. In fact, it compares pretty well with the best of what Lucknow’s Tunday Kababi has to offer.
Imagine a Delhi winter evening and you stand in the chilly wind waiting for your order. Then the plate is plonked in front of you and pick up the rolls (one in each hand). In the couple of seconds before you bite, the warmth of the meat and roti permeates your palms and into your body. Then you bite and when the warm mutton spreads itself like butter on your tongue, that is the closest you can get to heaven standing on Outer Ring Road!

Could not avoid the Delhi bias. The blokes here marinate and stew the meat here so well that the rolls turn out to be heavenly. For Mumbai-kars who think Frankies are good, what can I say except that you guys probably deserve Raj Thackeray!

Okay, I have never hankered after rolls as I seem to have mentioned in the opening lines. I am more of a rice-and-meat man and as some learned man said, “Life is nothing but a search for the perfect biriyani…”

Sunday, February 03, 2008

...That I Can Leave Angrez Behind: English Lyrics in Bollywood

In 1878, British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli gave a speech in the Parliament and in it, he referred to his bitter rival, William Gladstone.
So, why is this relevant to a piece on English lyrics in Bollywood songs?
Because Disraeli called Gladstone a 'sophisticated rhetorician intoxicated by the exuberance of your own verbosity'.
Exactly 100 years, Mr Anthony Gonsalves jumped out of an Easter egg with the same line. And of course, Mr Gonsalves did not stop there. He backed it up with important theories like juxtaposition of the haemoglobin in the atmosphere and the coefficient of linear expansion. No wonder, everybody called him Anthony-bhai in Bandra village!

As propounded in a scholarly manner earlier, only the Christians (and some times, Parsis) speak in English. So, some of the 'real' English songs came through characters of these religions. Unfortunately, the elegantly composed, well-written songs are extremely few and far between. Most of the times, the English lyrics are just crazy lines inserted for comic effect.
Probably because Bollywood has always presented the English speakers as a caricatures and hence the need to show them correctly (Christians speaking normal Hindi, for example) is not a high priority! On the other hand, it is rather easy to insert some English words in the chorus and try to create a rock-n-roll feel.
Anyways, who am I to sound like a serious commentator?

The most famous English song is, of course, the one sung by Julie in the eponymous film. It is a beautiful song, written by Harindranath Chattopadhyay and sung by Preeti Sagar. "My Heart is Beating" never fails to uplift your spirits with its simple words and tune. Harindranath was the brother of Sarojini Naidu so you could attribute the poetry to genetics. The tune is by Rajesh Roshan, who is the son of Roshan, so you could attribute the melody to genetics as well!
(Preeti Sagar sang the "Mera gaaon katha pare" song in Manthan, which - along with the above - would be in my list of favourite Hindi songs. There's something about her voice.)

Lagaan had lots of English dialogue and legitimately so. It also had a nice English interlude in the O Rey Chhori song - as Rachel Shelly and Gracey Singh sang their odes of love in parallel tracks. Vasundhara Das sung the English track with perfection and AR Rehman majestically merged the operatic flow of I Am In Love with the rustic melody of the O Rey Chhori.
I read somewhere that the English lyrics were written by Farhan Akhtar - but that might well be an urban legend.

While the legitimate English lyrics are few and far between, the zany ones are legion!

It started way back as Kishore Kumar and Nutan taught each other English in Dilli Ka Thug. C.A.T. Cat maaney billi. M.A.D. Mad maaney paagal.
In a slightly obscure film called Raaja Jaani, Hema Malini thwarted Dharmendra's efforts to teach her the alphabet by singing ABCD chhodo, naina se naina jodo...

In recent times, Dhooms 1 & 2 - to get the international feel - zoomed through easy-on-the-year English lyrics but somebody should tell them while Tata Young is fine, Uday Chopra singing My Name is Ali does not really qualify as international marketability!
In a film called Kuch Na Kaho (starring Abhishek and Aishwarya - before their paired days), Javed Akhtar wrote some clever stuff using English letters. ABBG. TPOG. IPKI. Tum POG. For those who have not read Chhinnamastaar Abhishaap, read the letters individually.

If I start listing down all the English lyrics in Hindi songs, we will be here till Jodhaa Akbar releases. So, I will quickly move to the conclusion and hope all of you will fill in!

In the annals of the English Bollywood Song (if one such exists in the first place), the person who would get the largest entry would be Annu Malik.
In Main Khiladi Tu Anadi, he intoned in the screechy tuneless monstrosity of his voice - "My Adorable Darling / I think of you every night, every morning..."
He followed it up with LML and GTH - Let's Make Love and Go To Hell respectively - in Hathkadi (starring Govinda and Shilpa Shetty).
And then, he delivered the knockout punch in the most inane and gratingly bad lyrics of Waqt: The Race Against Time - "Do me a favour / Let's play Holi".
Why? Why? Why? Why should we do anybody a favour and play Holi? Why doesn't Mr Malik do us a favour and remain chained to the sets of Indian Idol?

If anything, he should mix the strength of English lyrics with Indian gastronomical culture, as the legendary Bappi Lahiri did in a film called Rock Dancer (ah - English name!)...
You are my chicken fry / You are my mutton fry
Kabhi na kehna kudiye bye bye bye
You are my samosa / You are my masala dosa
Kabhi na kehna mundiye bye bye bye

Wait, where are you going? There's more...

You are my chocolate / You are my cutlet
Kabhi na kehna kudiye bye bye bye
You are my rosogolla / You are my rasmalai
Kabhi na kehna mundiye bye bye bye

What poetry! If he had heard all of these, Shelly (PB - not Rachel) would have drowned himself to death. Oh - he did?

Saturday, February 02, 2008

A Silly Game

Once upon a time, a batchmate and I - when we started to work for the same company - devised a silly game. This was some 9 years back and silliness seemed like a birthright at that point of time.

Anyways, my first boss was a gentleman by the name of Kapil Pillai. We realised (not a major one, I must say!) that the last three letters of his first name and the first three of his last names matched.
So we proceeded to find out more such names (see context of silliness above). The only condition being that the names must be Indian, realistic and a little challenging.
So Icarus Russell was out. So would be Dilnavaz Vaz. Ditto for Sundaram Ramamurthy.
I told you that it was silly game, na? Now, stop sniggering!

My first entry was the name of my dear friend, making it Indian and completely real but not very challenging since I did not have think about it - Anirban Banerjee.

I was reminded of this game today and thought of some new entries...
Pramod Modi
Pranav Navalkar
Nupur Puri

Any more bright ideas?