Thursday, November 05, 2009

35

A few random feel-good things about cinema that I thought of. No particular order. No particular reason either.
Many of them have appeared in some form or the other on this blog. But then, how has that ever deterred me? Some of them are dialogues. Some are jokes. Some are songs. Some simply unclassifiable.
Why 35? Just.

1. Bewakoof aur ***tiye mein dhaage bhar ka pharaq hota hain... Saif Ali Khan rasps through the opening lines of Omkara. A nervous titter breaks across the theatre, hearing the C word. Arguably, the most explosive opening lines of any Hindi film.

2. Maaf? Hu ha ha ha... Maaf nahin, main toh tumhe saaf kar doonga... Utpal Dutt pulls out his would-be son-in-law's moustache and a gun!

3. Kanoon ke haath itne lambe hote hain ki kabh kabhi vardi bhi chhota pad jata hain... After years of playing 'real' police officers, AB plays a naqli one in Toofan.

4. Tere bina zindagi se koi shiqva toh nahin / Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin zindagi toh nahin... Lata Mangeshkar and Kishore Kumar explain the futility of life without each other.

5. In Calcutta, when you say - "Ami Satyajit Ray-er chhobita dekhechhi" (I have seen Ray's latest movie), the retort is supposed to be "Kintu Satyajit Ray-er chhobi ki apnake dekhechhey?" (But has Ray's film seen you?)

6. Tumhara naam kya hain, Basanti?

7. D se hota hain Dancer. I se hota hain Item. S se hota hain Singer. C se hota hain Chorus. O se hota hain Orchestra... For those who came in late, the title song of Disco Dancer clearly explains what the jazz is all about!

8. Allah ke bande hans de... Kailash Kher bursts on to the scene in a film about advertising executives, hit men and MTV.

9. Jibone ki pabona, bhulechhi she bhabona / Shamney ja dekhi janina sheki ashol ki nokol shona... Soumitra Chatterjee breaks out of his intellectual image with a Manna Dey song and the Twist. Robi Ghosh fans - don't miss it!

10. Ai la, Govinda! Mai la, tu kaun? Aamir Khan wanders on to a shooting set in Andaz Apna Apna and meets Govinda. Govinda is less impressed than he is.

11. Ek palde mein napunsakta. Doosre palde mein pourush. Aur tarazu ke kaante par ardh satya... Om Puri brings alive the frustration of police officer Anant Velankar in the corrupt, sleazy world of Mumbai law enforcement.

12. Bawra mann dekhne chala ek sapna... A thousand wishes worth dying for. And a song.

13. Rahul, naam toh suna hoga? Director of musicals, Pepsi drinker, resident of massive studio apartment in Bombay with New York skyline - Rahul is rather confident of his fame.

14. Boss kaun hain maloom hain kya? Two advertising execs ask their boss' son. And tell him the answer in tune. While making an ad for condoms. And practising for a music competition called Jhankaar Beats.

15. Monicaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, oh my darling...

16. Bhai, tum sign karoge ya nahin? A police officer expects his elder brother to sign a confession. The elder brother refuses to sign first. He refuses to sign alone.

17. Yahhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooo... On the snowy slopes of Kashmir, Shammi Kapoor lets out a primordial scream. And the genteel Hindi film hero died.

18. Gogo-ji, aapka ghagra... Two boys - Amar & Prem - assist a legendary crook with his gown/cloak.

19. Bhooter raja dilo bor, jobor jobor teen bor... Two village boys meet the King of Ghosts in a jungle. And get three boons. And what boons they were!

20. Kya tum Communist ho? Ji nahin, cartoonist hoon. A stern matriarch asks Mr 55 if he has leftist leanings. Mr 55 replies he is a Laxmanist.

21. Shudhu tumi noi, Abalakanto. Onekeri bolar shomoi kheyal thakena. Professor Higgins comes to Calcutta. And on the sidelines of teaching a Bengali Eliza Doolittle, he gives musical lessons to his assistant as well.

22. Tum pass ho jab apne, duniya ko dikha denge / Hum maut ko jeene ki andaz sikha denge... Gangster with a heart of gold, Kaalia sings a song for his fiancee at the engagement party.

23. Lokey boley Cruci-fiction. Ami boli Cruci-fact. Amar je nijer chokhey dyakha! Legendary god-man Birinchibaba underlines his being an eye-witness at the seminal events of world history.

24. Gaadi toh aapki videshi hain, sahab, lekin haath zara Hindustani pad gaya... Jackie Shroff in Hero does a solid jingoistic number as the Rajdoot employee who takes on imported cars of upstarts.

25. Era ki knaata bechhey khai? When told about the diet of camels, adventure novelist Jatayu asks a simple question to his friend, Pradosh Mitter, while in search for the Golden Fortress - Shonar Kella.

26. Neechey aa ha, beti. Upar aa ja, moti. The belligerent half of Seeta Aur Geeta throws back a stinging repartee at her evil aunt. From atop a ceiling fan in a police station!

27. Pyaar humein kis mod pe le aaya hain... The anthem at every men's hostel in India, from Satte Pe Satta, before the seven brothers decide to do something about the women they love.

28. Bade bade desh mein aisi chhoti chhoti baat hoti rehti hain, Senorita... Shahrukh Khan graciously accepts Kajol's apology in Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge. People in Bombay can catch him saying these words yet again, in Marath Mandir at 12 noon today. Balcony tickets going for Rs 22 only.

29. Tu election se withdraw karega ya nahin? Mere baap ne time pe withdraw kar liya hota toh tu haraamzadgi se bach jaata. Two maharathis face off in Anurag Kashyap's Gulaal, set in the backdrop of college politics and regional separatism.

30. Dosti ka ek usool hain, madam. No sorry, No thank you. Prem said this to Suman in Maine Pyar Kiya but some people say Sooraj Barjatya picked the line from Om Prakash Makhija!

31. Ei path jodi na shesh hoi, tobey kemon hoto tumi bolo toh? The world's most romantic pair - Uttam Kumar and Suchitra Sen ride a bike, singing a song in their most iconic film - Saptapadi.

32. Ek haseena thi. Ek deewana tha. Ravi Verma comes back as Monty Oberoi and explains the Karz of his past life.

33. Bhai bhai ka pyar beech mein aa jaye toh dono ko goli maar de... Mafia don, Anna, brings a new dimension to the scariness of a Hindi film villain.

34. Jeene ke liye socha hi nahin dard sambhalne honge / Muskuraye toh muskurane ke karz utarne honge / Muskuraye jab bhi toh lagta hain jaise honthon pe karz rakkha hain... A father and son tell Life that they are not angry with it, simply baffled.

35. Itna sannata kyun hain, bhai?

10 comments:

Aneela Z said...

thankyou for the Hero line...had been wracking my brain for a while whether it was japani or bideshi...I wanted to use it for my son who has been wreacking all his toys.

janus said...

no "vijay Deenanath chauhan"?!!!

Anonymous said...

Where is #35 from?? It's kind of killing me ;)

Anonymous said...

Anonymous:

A.K.Hangal's famous line from Sholay :)

PK

anil said...

You have perfected the art of writing Hindi in English:)

Anonymous said...

#29. Wasn't it "Tere baap ne...."?

OrangeJammies said...

Happy 35th! I can't believe I missed it after specially checking with you last month. Hope it was a good birthday. :0)

Siddhartha said...

The funniest bit in Golmaal was when utpal Dutt barks at Om Prakash, the inspector- " Police Officer?Ha ha ha...you are a foolish officer"

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the Bawara Mann dekhne chala ek sapna...
Did u miss a few imp ones?
1. Kolkatay thake bole goto panch bochhore baba-r tikitir dakha nei...
Kajal stares for some time and then ask 'Baba-r bujhi tiki thake?'

2. 'Bolo na ami Uttam?' Chinmay ray at his best while romancing with his sweetheart sitting beside a pond...

3. and then a few brilliat ones from Big B in films like
a> Anand - 'Maut tu ek kavita hai...'
b> Bemisal - 'Ek roz mein tadap kar is dil ko tham loonga...' and later narrates to rakhi about the real Rozy Dutt.

Anonymous said...

Maza aa gaya