Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Dear MSD

In another 12 hours or so, you will walk out - rains permitting - to toss the coin with the Peter Pan of Pakistani cricket. And the burden on your shoulders will be the most that any sportsman has ever carried anywhere in the world, any time in history.
Tomorrow at this time of the night, I don't know what our frame of mind will be. Whatever it is - crushing sorrow or orgasmic elation - we won't be able to type out a coherent sentence for sure!

You know what the silliest slogan for this Cup is? 'Win it for Sachin'.
Here is a man who had given 22 years of his life to make us deliriously happy and all we can think for him is charity? As if he can't win it for himself. And to make it worse, the media have gone berserk over his forthcoming 100th hundred. As if there isn't enough pressure on him already. But don't worry. He can take the pressure.
You know, don't win it for Sachin. Win it for yourselves.
Or worse, let him retire from international cricket with 99 hundreds. And no World Cup against his name. Sometimes, a blemish makes it look better. You see 99.94 and know what I mean.

Tomorrow, we may be stoning your house. You know how we are...
But while we are in our senses - and till we come back to it again - we love you guys. Just love you.
How can you not love Viru - who's started every single match with a four.
And Yuvi, who's outdone even his own mentor as far as redemptions go.
Zak, who seems to be getting better with every match.
Ashwin, who's come into his first World Cup with nerves of steel. 
And all the other guys. Some of them may have floundered a bit recently but have given us those moments of glory that we will remember for the last days of our lives.
Who knows which one of them will do that again tomorrow? 
(*touch wood*touch wood*touch wood*)
And we will love you guys even more for that!

You know the last time India played a World Cup semi-final at home?
It was in the city of this blog - a place known for cultured connoisseurship. And you know what we did? We stoned the players out of the ground when it was clear that India was about to lose the match.
We claimed to be experts of the game and we didn't realise that it was harakiri to bat second on that pitch. We cheered like banshees when Jayasuriya and Kaluwitharna got out in the first over of the day. We cheered like monkeys when Sachin was playing like a maestro on that minefield of a pitch. And then, we pelted the future World Champions of cricket with plastic bottles.
You see, for all our professed knowledge about the game, we know NOTHING!
So ignore us when we hassle you for picking Chawla. You did the right thing by choosing Nehra for the last over. Well almost the right thing, because the only guy who could have won us that last over was probably Sachin.        

We are saying all this because of two reasons.
1. If you lose tomorrow, there will be a complete breakdown of logical faculties and we will want to kill you for that. We won't really kill you but may try/want/need to.
2. You know why you have to listen to nonsensical jerks like Srikkanth? Because, he was part of the last team that got us the Cup. And if that isn't enough to get your form back, I don't know what will. So, errr... change the game.

Incoherent mail? You bet! Was meant to be a short note to lift some pressure off your shoulders.

Oh - and one last favour. Kill the bastards.

With all our love and best wishes -
The Blue Billion

8 comments:

Rajarshi said...

you have articulated my thoughts way better than I could have ever done. bravo.

Shobhit said...

I dont think its the most burden faced by an Indian captain
- 96 & 99 were times of greater animosity and plus Azhar had the whole 'he's Muslim ergo he's soft on Pakistan' baggage to deal with
- 2003 I think the players homes had already been torched and effigies burnt etc after the defeat against Aus. God only knows what we would have done if we'd been knocked out by Pak then!

As captains go MSD has it easy- a good squad, a decent record and a country which has relatively more to claim pride in!

Anonymous said...

wishing & stoning in the same breath?

picture dhoni as greek titan atlas bearing earth.now,think of your child hanging himself over parental expectations.

you-fanatic-mad-porcupine.
peace.

Anonymous said...

Amazingly written and so heartfelt.... it actually made me get a tear in my eye....
All the Best.... Men in Blue... Change the game and win it!!!

neeraj said...

Brilliant stuff.. I don't usually go overboard while commenting plus all these redundant reports on 'pressure' want me to give up reading newspapers, but this one's right out of the top drawer.

Lazyani said...

The best write-up on this issue till date. Take a bow sir.

Shiti said...

Boss, you have to tell me, just how, just exactly how - do Indian men articulate the emotions so well when it comes to cricket!!! huh!

Abhishek Mukherjee said...

Late on this. There's a reason for you being my favourite blogger. Goosebumps all over.