Wednesday, May 30, 2012

SRK Bong Bang

This is not my post. It is a translation of a brilliant Bengali post by Tanmay Mukherjee, who decided to give Shah Rukh Khan some advice after the star was roped in by West Bengal's Chief Minister to 'promote' the state.
Essentially, it is a set of ten handy pieces of instruction for SRK. Since the instructions were in Bengali, it is obvious the star hadn't read them and had flouted them even. Therefore, my stilted translation...

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Shah Rukh-babu,
If you don't want to your brand ambassadorship of Bengal to go the same way as Hindustan Motor's Ambassador, you have to make some personal adjustments. Quickly, take a piece of paper and a pen. Note them down.

1. Learn to pronounce Kolkata. Right here, right now. (Trans: For the greater common good, it is Coal-Kaa-Taa with the T soft.)

2. Knight Riders without Sourav and Bongo without Poshchim is the same thing. If you want to dance the Bengal jig, you need a partner - Dada. Just as you need Thackeray to tango in Mumbai, you need Dada for Eden.

3. Read Lenin. Recite Ma-Maati-Manush. And avoid the stammer, please.

4. Have not seen any press release about your love for mishti doi and roshogolla. Give one, pronto.

5. Please sir, ditch that Korbo-Lorbo song. Its become a national joke.

6. Stop blowing kisses every second minute. We are an intellectual race, not SoBo sweeties.

7. Walk into a couple of appearances in Bengali films. Let our poor Tolly-wood also make a penny or two.

8. Next Durga Puja, do the traditional dhunuchi naach (ref: Sanjay Dutt in Parineeta) at Maddox Square and claim semi-Bengali citizenship.

9. No "Kimon achho Kolkatta" tweets please. We will make fun of it for the rest of our lives.

10. And yes, of course - Bengal is not Pepsi.  
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